Feed my sheep....

When we hear the phrase ‘feed my sheep’ we often turn our thoughts to missionary work. I think this is a large part of what the Savior was teaching but not all. The Savior taught the gospel but he also served, encouraged and loved those he came into contact with. Our souls all hunger and need to be fed in different ways. I love these thoughts from Elder Ashton that teach about this principle. He taught,” Jesus said, ‘Feed my sheep.’ (John 21:16.) You can’t feed them if you don’t know where they are. You can’t feed them if you give them reason to resist you. You can’t feed them if you don’t have the food. You can’t feed them if you don’t have charity. You can’t feed them if you aren’t willing to work and share. …

“Those who need help come in all age brackets. Some of His sheep are young, lonely, and lost. Some are weary, afflicted, and worn with age. Some are in our own family, in our own neighborhood, or in the far corners of the world where we can help with fast offerings. Some are starving for food. Some are starving for love and concern.

“If we give His sheep reasons to resist us, the feeding process becomes difficult, if not impossible. No one can teach or help with sarcasm or ridicule. Dictatorship or ‘I’m right and you are wrong’ will negate all efforts to feed a wandering sheep. A wall of resistance will be built, and no one will benefit. …

“By our actions we show our love. Expressions of affection are empty if actions don’t match. All His sheep need the touch of a shepherd who cares” (“Give with Wisdom That They May Receive with Dignity,” Ensign, Nov. 1981, 91)

Peace

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth , give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled neither let it be afraid ."- So much love and hope given in these few words.

I am so grateful for this scripture. It is one of my favorites. Who in this world is not seeking or wanting peace in thier lives? The world is not quick or often able to offer it. True peace comes from the Spirit and when we listen and rely on it we can find peace admist the difficulities and  heartache that is part of our journey. This week has not been an easy one and I was so grateful when someone posted a photo of this scripture on Instagram reminding me that there is peace to be found and I have  the Gift of the Holy Ghost  and the atonement of my Savior to bless me with it. 

There have been many times I have sought out this promised peace. Sometimes it's for me personally, others times for my marriage when things are not going as smoothly as I would want and lately in regards to my children as they seek more independence. I have yet to be denied the peace I seek when I ask in faith and am grateful for that blessing. 

Money, money, money....

It has been said that money is the root of all evil and this can be true when
 it is not used as it should be. It's amazing what an influence money has on relationships, and it is not uncommon to be a major issue in marriages. If a marriage can find balance in their finances and different spending habits, the marriage will be significantly stronger. Communication, flexibility and self control are key to avoiding marriage issues in the money department.
In the book "Till Debt Do Us Part", the author gives ten great financial principles to think about:
1. Financial problems are usually behavior problems rather than money problems.
2. If you continuing doing what you have been doing, you will continue getting what you have been getting.
3. Nothing (no thing) is worth risking the relationship.
4. Money spent on things you value usually leads to a feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment. Money spent on things you do not value usually leads to a feeling of frustration and futility.
5. We know the price of everything and the value of nothing.
6. You can never get enough of what you don't need, because what you don't need can never satisfy you.
7. Financial freedom is more often the result of decreased spending than of increased income.
8. Be grateful for what you have.
9. The best things in life are free.
10. The value of individuals should never be equated with their net worth.

Becoming one......

I read a talk by Elder Eyring this week about becoming one. In the talk he was not specific about becoming one in marriage until the end of his talk. However, the general principles of his talk can apply to not only a marriage but also relationships in general. The first is to have the Spirit with us. When my husband and I pray together to have the Spirit guide us in our decisions we find we can be unified in what is best for our family and if there are differences we are able to work through them in a way that is not contentious. Second is putting the Lord first in our lives. As we put the Lord first we are more likely to keep our covenants, serve one another, look past the imperfections, and do those things that help us draw closer together. Third we keep the commandments. I am not perfect in all of these principles. I see faults at times when I shouldn’t or forget to at times that Lord knows best for my spouse and I when things don’t make sense. However, I know can feel the difference when I am on the right track and grateful for the Atonement that allows me to figure it out.

When I think of an example of a unified couple I think of my parents. They are far from perfect but one thing they have always been unified in is their desire to live the gospel and this is what I remember most about my youth. They argued at times, and did not always see eye to eye but they were firm in their faith, and taught the importance of covenants, prayer, scripture study, and the Atonement. For me the unity is shown through their common goal of raising their children to know that they love the gospel and desire t

Marriage is fragile.....

This week in my marriage class we discussed fidelity.  We often think of infidelity as an emotional and physical relationship. Infidelity comes in many forms, including emotional without the physical. This could be relationships with co workers of the opposite sex or even online.
Being faithful to one's spouse includes being a complete level of commitment, respect and trust, not just avoiding physical contact with another.
The Savior in the book of Matthew taught : " That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart"(Matthew 5:27-28)
Marriages are fragile relationships that require a great deal of time and work from both participants.
In his talk "In Praise of Those who Save", President Uchtdorf states:
"...strong marriage and family relationships do not happen just because we are members of the Church. They require constant, intentional work. The doctrine of eternal families must inspire us to dedicate our best efforts to saving and enriching our marriages and families. I admire and applaud those who have preserved and nourished these critical, eternal relationships."

Continually working on strengthening and nourishing our marriages helps reduce the need to look elsewhere for what we feel our marriage may be missing. 

Some simple steps to start with could be:

1. Appreciating our spouses by saying “I love you” and giving sincere compliments.
2. Communicating effectively, including making time to talk and nurture the marriage spiritually and physically.
3. Contemplate often and chose sacred places like the temple to do this together. -Elder Nelson

Charity....

I have learned a great deal about my marriage and myself as I have read both Goddard and Gottman’s Books. They each bring important ideas and tools for a successful marriage. Gottman covered the things that are more secular and Goddard those of a spiritual basis. I know that if I apply both of them consistently my marriage will continue to grow and become stronger. I don’t think it matters how long anyone has been married, there is always something to learn and approve on. For me, the most important thing I learned from Goodards book was in his last chapter that focused on charity. When we are seeking to have the pure love of Christ we are seeking to love someone to the point that we can overlook the imperfections and see them how Christ sees them. Can you imagine a world where we all tried to see one another as Christ does? A great place to start is on our homes with those that we love most and are hoping to spend eternity with. There were a few points in the chapter that stood out to me.

The quote by Marleen S. Williams where she states,” When you understand another person through the lens of his or here own life experiences and history, you will find it easier to interpret that person’s behavior accurately and to learn how to accommodate differences. (128)”

Or I like to see it as more of seeing past the differences that will not change, the perpetual problems that all of us experience with our spouses and even within other relationships.

Goddard also mentions in his action section a reminder that “we love Him because He loved us first. The same can apply to marriage. Our partners will love us because we first love them. Love first. Don’t wait to be loved. (131)”

No one likes to wait but I never applied the concept to the love between spouses and this is something that can be applied throughout our marriages. When there is always love being given first it makes it much harder to fall out of.

Forgiveness......

There is not one of us who has not been wronged or on the flip side wronged someone else and needed to give or receive forgiveness. We are all in need of the virtue of forgiveness from our Father in Heaven and also from those around us. It is a humbling process from either side.

I was reading in Matt 18 this week, which contains the parable of the unmerciful servant.  This parable reminds us how important it is to give the forgiveness to others that we are desperately seeking ourselves. Forgiveness is an important part of a faithful and strong marriage and family. In a 2011 Ensign article, Richard Miller a BYU professor, talked about how important forgiveness is in our families and marriages he taught,” In order for a marriage to be successful, there also needs to be forgiveness. Repentance and forgiveness are complementary gospel principles, and both are necessary in order for us to progress spiritually.

Resentment is one of the worst poisons in marriage. It doesn’t ruin a marriage overnight. Rather, it is like decay that gradually and silently damages your teeth. Forgetting to brush your teeth once doesn’t ruin your teeth; however, numerous instances of neglect over many years will. Similarly, resentment accumulates gradually, often without us even noticing it. If left untreated, it builds up over a number of years to the point where it destroys love.

Just as our sins and weaknesses are washed away through repentance, forgiveness washes away the hurts and emotional injuries that must be anticipated in being married to someone who is imperfect.

Forgiveness is the perfect antidote for the poison of resentment. It neutralizes our hurt feelings and makes room in our hearts for love to flourish and grow. President Boyd K. Packer of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught:

“All of us carry excess baggage around from time to time, but the wisest ones among us don’t carry it for very long. They get rid of it. … Often … the things we carry are petty, even stupid. … If you resent someone for something he has done—or failed to do—forget it. We call that forgiveness. It is powerful, spiritual medicine.”

These same principles apply within a marriage, and perhaps more so. The best response to being hurt is, as President Packer implied, to get over it. Marriage is too important for us to clutter our minds and hearts with resentment that is created by dwelling on the faults and weaknesses of our spouse. We need to forgive and move on.” (Ensign, September 2011)

How grateful I am for the Savior and His atonement that makes it possible to receive forgiveness for my sins and find the strength to seek and offer forgiveness to others.