Wolves.....

When my husband and I were first married, his Abuelo, who just turned 99, would often share stories. One afternoon, he shared the story of the two wolves that live within us. Later, I realized this is a famous Cherokee tale but at the time I had never heard of it. The story basically goes like this:

A grandfather is talking with his grandson and he says there are two wolves inside of us which are always at war with each other. 

One of them is a good wolf, which represents things like kindness, bravery and love. The other is a bad wolf, which represents things like greed, hatred and fear.

The grandson stops and thinks about it for a second then he looks up at his grandfather and says, “Grandfather, which one wins?”

The grandfather quietly replies the one you feed.

I thought of this story as I read the article, “Covenant Marriage” by Elder Bruce C. Hafen. In his talk he mentions how every marriage is tested by three wolves. The first is natural adversity. Second is personal imperfection and third is excessive individualism (Hafen, Ensign, 1996). We can often see how adversity and imperfection could create a wedge in relationships but individualism on the other hand, how is it such a challenge?

In the dictionary individualism is defined as being independent and self-reliant. It can also be used to describe what makes each of us unique based on our pursuits. These are not negative traits when speaking as an individual. However, when one becomes married they are not only individuals but also equal partners to a husband or wife. Marriages based on primarily individual needs and whether or not those needs are being met cannot thrive. It is a joint effort balancing individuality and reaching out through love and service to our spouses.

The Family Proclamation describes what we can be working on to find that balance. It states:

“Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.”